Sylvia Haskvitz

Empathic Listening in an Empathy Circle — A Profound Process of Healing and Connection
Speaker:  Sylvia Haskvitz  (15 min)
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Summary and Transcript

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Sylvia Haskvitz, a trainer in nonviolent communication (NVC) since 1989, discussed empathetic listening in an empathy circle. She emphasized the importance of genuine listening without fixing or advising, using a role-play with Tova to illustrate. Tova shared a personal dilemma about her car, highlighting the frustration of unsolicited advice. Sylvia demonstrated empathic listening by reflecting Tova's feelings and needs, promoting a deeper connection. Sylvia explained that empathic listening helps individuals clarify their own processes and find solutions. She also noted the broader applicability of NVC in various contexts, including community mediation and conflict resolution.

Action Items

Outline

Sylvia's Introduction and Background

• Cara Wilson introduces Sylvia M, a trainer, facilitator, assessor, and author in nonviolent communication since 1989.

• Sylvia shares her background as a student of Marshall Rosenberg and mentions her colleague Tova.

• Sylvia plans to demonstrate empathic listening according to Rosenberg's nonviolent communication work.

• Sylvia begins by sharing a slide on what empathy is not, emphasizing common non-empathic responses like fixing or advising.

Empathic Listening Demonstration

• Sylvia explains that empathic listening involves being present without trying to fix or advise.

• Sylvia and Tova perform a role-play to demonstrate empathic listening, with Tova sharing a personal situation about her car.

• Tova describes her dilemma about using her car less frequently and considering selling it due to expenses.

• Sylvia listens empathically, focusing on Tova's feelings and needs, and reflects back what she hears.

Role-Play: Tova's Experience

• Tova shares that her friend gave unsolicited advice about keeping the car, which made her feel unheard.

• Sylvia reflects on Tova's feelings of irritation and annoyance at being advised without being asked.

• Tova expresses a desire for autonomy and respect for her own process.

• Sylvia highlights Tova's frustration with her friend's pattern of unsolicited advice.

Reflecting on the Role-Play

• Tova expresses a desire for a shared understanding and a more supportive relationship with her friend.

• Sylvia summarizes the role-play, emphasizing the importance of being heard without being fixed.

• Sylvia explains the use of "giraffe ears" in nonviolent communication to connect with feelings and needs.

• Sylvia differentiates empathic listening from reflective listening, aiming for deeper connection and understanding.

Empathic Listening Techniques

• Sylvia shares a slide on the empathic listening process, starting with tuning into feelings and needs.

• Sylvia explains the importance of listening for the meaning behind the words and sensing the heart of the message.

• Sylvia emphasizes the value of empathic listening in achieving shared connection and understanding.

• Tova reflects on the role-play, noting how it brought new layers of understanding and calmness.

Application of Empathic Listening

• Sylvia discusses the broader application of empathic listening in various contexts, including community mediation and conflict resolution.

• Sylvia shares her experience working with diverse groups, including Arabs and Jews in conflict, and in business, schools, and prisons.

• Cara Wilson thanks Sylvia for the demonstration and asks if the same strategy can be used for community issues.

• Sylvia confirms that empathic listening can be applied to community issues, providing examples of her work in different contexts.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

• Cara Wilson expresses gratitude for the session, highlighting the importance of nonviolent communication and empathy circles.

• Cara shares a personal takeaway about the giraffe's heart, symbolizing empathy.

• Sylvia and Tova thank each other for the role-play and the learning experience.

• The session concludes with a sense of appreciation for the insights and techniques shared.