Tony Scruggs

Building the Empathy Movement with mutual-empathy and by widening the circle, exponentially.  
Speaker: Tony Scruggs    (15 min) 

To Video, Summary, AI, Outline, Full Transcripts 

Summary

https://otter.ai/u/zBQvx66Cnfa53nEwxoP_xj5PXzg?view=summary

Tony Scruggs, also known as "The Empathy Guy," shared his journey and insights on empathy. He defined empathy as the respectful understanding of another person's experience, emphasizing the importance of hearing emotions and needs. Scruggs differentiated between non-violent communication and violent speech, defining the latter as verbal attacking force that dehumanizes. He introduced the acronym PET AF (Painful Energy Turned Into Attacking Force) to encapsulate this concept. Scruggs outlined a three-dimensional approach to empathy: skill (guessing feelings), need (visibility), and language (observations over judgments). He concluded by encouraging the audience to reflect on their own definitions of empathy.

Action Items

• [ ] Paste the copied resources, definitions, and the violent-communication pattern from Tony's clipboard into the meeting chat so participants can access the materials

Outline

Introduction and Gratitude

• Speaker 1 expresses gratitude to CJ, Edwin, and the team for the invitation and the opportunity to share.

• Speaker 1 introduces himself as Anthony Raymond Scruggs, also known as Tony or Scrubsy, and describes himself as a Montessori Methodist raised in Palo Alto, California.

• Speaker 1 shares his personal intention to live an awakened life, beyond right and wrong, and mentions his connection to spiritual figures like Rumi and Shakti Dwayne.

• He describes his journey, including his time at UCLA, playing Major League Baseball, and learning non-violence philosophy from Gandhi's grandson.

Personal Background and Training

• Speaker 1 details his background, including his time in a fraternity at UCLA and his experience playing baseball with the Texas Rangers.

• He mentions his training in trauma and resiliency by top experts like Louise Godbold and Sarah Payton.

• Speaker 1 humorously describes his approach to presentations, letting go of attachments and showing vulnerability.

• He outlines the three main questions he will address: defining empathy, defining violence non-violently, and the role of empathy in building the empathy movement.

Defining Empathy

• Speaker 1 defines empathy as the respectful understanding of another person's experience.

• He introduces the concept of a "Mic check" to expand the definition of empathy, using a call and response method.

• The expanded definition includes understanding emotions and motivations, and noticing common human universal needs.

• Speaker 1 emphasizes the importance of hearing what people are feeling and understanding their motivations.

Defining Violence Non-Violently

• Speaker 1 discusses his initial struggle to define non-violence and the influence of Marshall Rosenberg's concept of the tragic expression of an unmet need.

• He shares a story from an audiobook about Marshall Rosenberg stopping a man from hitting a woman, illustrating the difference between punitive and protective use of force.

• Speaker 1 defines violence as attacking force and violent speech as verbal attacking force that minimizes, dehumanizes, and demonizes.

• He introduces the acronym PET AF (Painful Energy Turned Into Attacking Force) as a philosophical container for understanding violence.

Building the Empathy Movement

• Speaker 1 outlines three dimensions of empathy: skill, need, and language.

• The skill involves becoming an empathic detective to guess feelings and unmet needs of others.

• The need is to be seen, heard, and understood, encapsulated by the term "visibility."

• The language of empathy involves speaking in observations instead of judgments, connecting feelings with unmet needs, and using requests instead of demands.

Practical Application of Empathy

• Speaker 1 provides examples of how to apply empathy in communication, such as reframing judgments as observations and connecting thoughts to feelings.

• He emphasizes the importance of hugging people with requests instead of punching them with demands.

• Speaker 1 explains how this approach can be used to identify violent communication by looking for judgments, demands, and disconnected thoughts.

• He concludes by summarizing the need for empathy, the ability to give empathy, and the importance of speaking empathically.

Closing Remarks and Call to Action

• Speaker 1 encourages the audience to reflect on their own definition of empathy using a "Mic check" exercise.

• He ends with a positive note, emphasizing the importance of empathy in affecting positive change spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

• Speaker 1 expresses gratitude for the audience's time and wishes them a happy new year.

• Speaker 2 responds positively, praising the inclusivity and accessibility of the introduction and expressing admiration for the presentation.

Transcript 

Thanks, CJ and she of love. Thank you, Edwin, for bringing us all together, for planting the seed and for the gracious invitation. Edwin, I feel deeply appreciative for the inclusion, the acceptance and this adventure, and I hope you're able to receive this gratitude with the intention that it's being given what's up? Team humanity. Gustadia, saber como te sientes en este momento, or in Swedish parada day, or, as I usually say, how you feeling spiritually, emotionally and physically. My parents gifted me with the name Anthony Raymond Scruggs. And if a picture speaks 1000 words, here are 10 words that I think speak 1000 pictures. I am a Montessori Methodist raised in Palo Alto, California. 

I am a Montessori Methodist raised in Palo Alto, California. My friends call me Tony. My teammates call me scrubsy, and the universe calls me Simba spirit, mind and body, with inspiration and abundance mixed in my personal intention is to live the awakened life in the unknown field of all possibilities beyond right and wrongdoing, where Rumi and Shakti Dwayne are hanging out painting portraits of the grandest version of the greatest vision that we hold for all living beings, sometimes using my unlimited power to Awaken the Giant Within and get the edge. How I see myself a spiritual being exploring life as a higher shade of brown, American, of African ancestry. You catch that Wayne Dyer, spiritual being having a human experience, a spiritual being exploring life as a higher shade of brown, American of African ancestry. And my stops along the way include UCLA, where I was a student. I was in a fraternity. 

I played sports, Major League Baseball with the Texas Rangers back when President Bush used to run the team India with Gandhi's grandson, where I learned the philosophy of non violence and the tools of non violence for communication. And in the last few years, I have had the great honor of being trained in trauma and resiliency by some of the top experts in the world, including silence breaker, Louise Godbold and my favorite neuro magician, Miss constellation herself, Sarah Payton, now I love PowerPoints. At the same time, the montess kid in me was like, You know what? 

Dude today is great day to practice your Deepak Chopra, letting go of attachment. So you let go of that PowerPoint and you show these nice people your fear, your vulnerability and your anxiety. So that is what I am going to do at the same time, I know what it's like to be a participant and want someone to refer to. So I copied a bunch of stuff into my clipboard, and I'm going to paste it in the chat when things get juicy. So here we go. Today. I want to address three questions. Number one, and let me see if my chat is ready to go. Boom, we are ready. Number one, what is empathy for me? The micro version, what is empathy for me? Number two, how would I define violence, non violently?

 You catch that. How would I define violence, non violently? And number three, how do I see empathy in relation to building the empathy movement, in relation to building the empathy movement? How do I see empathy so question number one, what is empathy? For me, generally speaking, I see empathy as the respectful understanding of another person's experience. Paste it in the chat, boom, the respectful understanding of another person's experience. 

When we're in schools with kids, we expand the definition of empathy using a Mic check. And for those who are unfamiliar with the Mic check, it's the call and response repeat after me, game slash strategy, where one person says Mic check and everybody says Mic check back, and then you just do repeat after me, call and response until the original person says, Mike's off. 

The microphone is off. So when we're with kids, we do it as a Mic check. Let me paste that into the chat. Oh, man, it is working. So what I want you to imagine, I'm going to rate it straight through, but what I want you to imagine is, when we're with kids in schools, we're pausing every five to eight words so they can reflect it back. But I'm going to read this one straight through. Here we go, mic check. Even though empathy is seen as pain, suffering and shoe swapping at the empathy Institute, we see it as understanding the emotions, which is hearing what people are feeling, and understanding the motivations, which is noticing.

 The common human universal needs being expressed of another person and or ourselves. Mike's off. The microphone is off. So the expanded definition is understanding emotions, hearing what people are feeling, and understanding motivations, noticing what people are needing So that's question one, question two, how would I define violence, non violently? When I started my empathy journey, I was like, non violence. Is non violence that and my I'm sure my friends felt deeply, deeply annoyed. I had one friend who was like, Oh, scrunzie, that sounds so interesting. 

Though I'm curious, what's the definition of violent communication. And I was like, and the only thing I could think of was some Rosie said, Rosie being Marshall Rosenberg, the architect of empathic communication. The only thing I could think of was that something Rosie said about the tragic expression of an unmet need. As soon as I said it, I wasn't satisfied. They weren't satisfied. I knew I needed a deeper definition that resonated with people, so I went on a search. I was reading. I was listening to audiobooks, and then a few months later, I'm listening to an audiobook while I'm working out like mid push up, and Rosie tells this story about being in Europe, in this public square, and he sees that there's this dude who's about to hit a woman. 

He realizes there's no time for kumbaya empathy, like, Excuse me, sir. Are you feeling there was no time for that? So he jumps in and he stops the dude from hitting the woman. The context of the audio book was the difference between the punitive use of force causing harm and the protective use of force preventing harm. And I knew there was something in there, and a few days later, I wrote this down, violence equals attacking force. Violence equals attacking force. And then a few moments after that, I wrote, violent speech equals verbal attacking force. Violent speech equals verbal attacking force that minimizes, dehumanizes and demonizes. Now I was satisfied.

 At the same time, I wanted a philosophical container to put it in. And a few days later, it came through me. This acronym came through me. And if you want to jot if you want to jot it down, I have no objections. The acronym that came through me was P, E, T, like pet, P, E, T, I, hyphen, A, F, and if you're thinking that A F, yes, that A F. And if you're not sure what a f means, Google slang, A F, slang, A F, the acronym sounds out to petty A F, you get it petty A F, and it stands for painful energy turned into attacking force. Painful energy turned into attacking force, and that became my philosophical container. So that's questions one and two. How about number three? How do I see empathy in relation to building the empathy movement? How do I see empathy three dimensionally? 

And if you like Saturday Night Live, you may enjoy this. First dimension, skill s, skill second dimension, need N. Need third dimension, and y'all know an L Word is coming, don't you? Language? L language a skill, a need, a language. So what's the skill? I think the skill is guessing the feelings and unmet needs of another person, becoming an empathic detective, for example, let's say I'm around somebody and they say aloud, XYZ sucks. My ears hear XYZ sucks. The Empathic detective starts guessing, Hmm, sounds like XYZ. Is really frustrating for this person. I wonder if it has something to do with care or consideration or courtesy. I wonder what's going on. So the the skill for me is becoming an empathic detective and guessing the feelings and unmet needs of another person. 

What's the need? You all know? The need to be seen, to be heard, to be understood. If you want one word, visibility, visibility to be seen, to be heard and to be understood. So empathy is something we need. Empathy is something we can give as an empathic detective, and empathy is something we can speak the language. What does that look like?

Back a, speak in observations instead of judgments. B, instead of connecting judgments to thoughts, we connect feelings with unmet needs and see. And this is my favorite, CJ, there's my favorite hug people with requests instead of punching them in the face with demands. So for example, let's go back to that XYZ sucks. So judgment says XYZ sucks. Empathy says, When XYZ happens, I feel dot, dot, dot. Judgment connected to thought, says, XYZ sucks, therefore you suck. 

Empathy says, When XYZ happens, it's really frustrating, because I love I need. I value order and dependability so much. And then finally, demand, connected to judgment, connect connected to thought. Says, XYZ sucks, therefore you suck. So if you don't do EF and G, immediately I'm going to rain terror on the empathy is like. First of all, judgment, chill. Secondly, when XYZ happens, it's really frustrating, because I love I need, I value order and dependability. So given the choice between E, F and G. Would you be willing to choose one and complete it tomorrow afternoon by three? So, oh, by the way, this can be used as code for identifying violent communication. 

You can use this pattern and let me put this in the chat. You can use this pattern to identify code for violent communication, if somebody speaks in judgments, connected to thoughts, connected to demands. Oh, this is violent communication. So you have a little code to work with. So how do I see empathy? I see that we need empathy. I see that we can give empathy, and I see that we can speak empathically. So how might we build the empathy movement with precision, with clarity and with strategy? 

With precision, with clarity and with strategy? So I leave you with this one question, a quick Mic check and a brief farewell. Here's the question, what is empathy for you? What is empathy for you? And here's the Mic check. So stay muted on your side. I'll say it aloud on my side, and then you say it aloud on your muted side. Here we go, and I'm watching your lips. CJ, mic check, with strength and kindness, with bravery and empathy, we will affect positive change, spiritually, emotionally and physically. Mike's off. Microphone is off. So let me say the way I see it. Life's a celebration, especially when we observe without evaluation. And if you're wondering how I feel, I'm grateful for your time. May all of our journeys be surreal. I'm Tony Scruggs, the empathy guy, together we rise together we fly. That's my set y'all, let's testify and multiply. Thank you and happy new year.

Oh my goodness, how wonderful and absolutely brilliant was that and fun you had me at the inclusivity common human universal needs and motivators. This may have been the most accessible NBC intro I have ever heard. Thank you. So.