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Martin Golder, a retired mediator and architect, discussed his journey to empathy, highlighted in his book "Journey to Empathy." He shared his transformation from mechanical empathy to genuine empathy through meditation and diverse experiences. Golder emphasized the transformative power of empathy in mediation, achieving a 100% settlement rate. He also explored the concept of "gangster empathy," suggesting empathy as a tool for gangsters and sociopaths to improve their actions. Golder advocated for a culture based on empathy, love, and compassion, urging the empathy movement to lead societal change.
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Martin Golder's Journey to Empathy
Martin Golder's Journey to Empathy
Cara Wilson introduces Martin Golder, a retired mediator and architect, who has written a book on empathy.
Martin Golder thanks Cara, Edwin, and the Empathy Center for the opportunity to speak.
Martin shares his journey from losing empathy at a British boarding school to rediscovering it through meditation and diverse experiences.
He mentions his collaboration with Edwin at Compassion Week at Stanford and the creation of his book, "Journey to Empathy."
AI's Role in Summarizing the Book
AI's Role in Summarizing the Book
Martin discusses his first adventure with AI, using Google's language model to summarize his book in seconds.
The AI-generated summary captures the essence of his book, emphasizing the transformative power of genuine empathy.
Martin expresses surprise and satisfaction with the AI's accurate summary, despite its perceived sycophantic nature.
He includes the AI-generated summary on the back cover of his book, recognizing its objective representation of his message.
The Evolution of Empathy and Its Impact
The Evolution of Empathy and Its Impact
Martin explains the evolution of empathy as a concept and skill, referencing academic research on brain plasticity.
He highlights the benefits of empathy in business and society, advocating for its conscious cultivation.
Martin shares his success in mediation, achieving a 100% settlement rate using empathy as a primary tool.
He created a course to teach empathy to other mediators and lawyers, despite its initial limited appeal to lawyers.
The Concept of "Gangster Empathy"
The Concept of "Gangster Empathy"
Martin recounts his experience on a podcast in Austria, where his book was titled "Gangster Empathy."
He explains the subtitle of his book, "Stories for Mediators, Lawyers, Con Men, Sociopaths, and Other Humans."
Martin's mentor coined the term "mechanical empathy" to describe his initial lack of genuine empathy in mediation.
He reflects on the darker side of empathy, using Hollywood examples of evil forces masquerading as saints.
Empathy in the Context of Power and Leadership
Empathy in the Context of Power and Leadership
Martin discusses the use of empathy by CEOs as a morale builder, leading to happier staff and increased profits.
He acknowledges the presence of sociopaths in leadership positions and the concept of "cheap empathy officers."
Martin explores the potential of empathy as a weapon against powerful leaders, though he admits to having no immediate answers.
He believes the empathy movement and the Empathy Center will play a significant role in this context.
The Role of Empathy in Societal and Global Challenges
The Role of Empathy in Societal and Global Challenges
Martin compares the current economic systems based on fossil fuels to the American "gangster perspective."
He discusses the cries for capitalism to pass into history and the need for a new Bretton Woods.
Martin emphasizes the importance of a culture based on empathy, love, and compassion for humanity's future.
He reflects on the shift in societal attitudes, where outliers are no longer exiled or executed but are part of the human continuum.
Mediation and Compromise in Conflict Resolution
Mediation and Compromise in Conflict Resolution
Martin shares his mentor's description of compromise as a Silicon Valley-style dispute ending in a joint venture.
He contrasts this with the outcome of going to court, highlighting the role of mediation in avoiding compromise.
Martin thanks Edwin for his dedication to empathy and praises the effectiveness of empathy circles.
He encourages questions and expresses gratitude for the opportunity to share his journey and insights.
Cara Wilson's Reflections and Closing Remarks
Cara Wilson's Reflections and Closing Remarks
Cara Wilson reflects on Martin's talk, emphasizing the importance of empathy from personal to global levels.
She appreciates the concept of empathy over Uzis and the idea of America as a global gangster.
Cara supports the notion of finding a way forward that doesn't lead to indiscriminate violence.
She thanks Martin for sharing his journey and expresses her belief in a better world through empathy.
Cara Wilson 0:00
Cara Wilson 0:00
I am delighted to bring up Martin Golder, a retired mediator and architect who just finished the book, journey to empathy, about his personal discovery of the power of empathy, how he will be speaking to us today on how to convince the gangster class to join the empathy movement. Oh, I'm listening all ears. Go tell me things.
I am delighted to bring up Martin Golder, a retired mediator and architect who just finished the book, journey to empathy, about his personal discovery of the power of empathy, how he will be speaking to us today on how to convince the gangster class to join the empathy movement. Oh, I'm listening all ears. Go tell me things.
Martin Golder 0:24
Martin Golder 0:24
Thank you, Cara, thank you and thank you, Edwin and the empathy Center. I'm so happy to be part of this great series that has run several times a year at 80 I decided to write down what I have learned about life and empathy. It was a journey still incomplete to travel from having my empathy removed at an early age by British boarding school to learning all about it again. Back in 2014 Edwin and I briefly traveled the path together at compassion week at Stanford. So, oh, look here. This is the book. This is book journey to empathy. You can get it by email me or DM me. It's also available on Amazon, but I make them, I print them here and bind them in the basement and send them out from here too.
Thank you, Cara, thank you and thank you, Edwin and the empathy Center. I'm so happy to be part of this great series that has run several times a year at 80 I decided to write down what I have learned about life and empathy. It was a journey still incomplete to travel from having my empathy removed at an early age by British boarding school to learning all about it again. Back in 2014 Edwin and I briefly traveled the path together at compassion week at Stanford. So, oh, look here. This is the book. This is book journey to empathy. You can get it by email me or DM me. It's also available on Amazon, but I make them, I print them here and bind them in the basement and send them out from here too.
So, and my first adventure into AI was to feed the whole book into notebook LM, Google's labs language model. And in a few seconds, it read the book and encapsulated what it is about. Here's here's what it said. This document presents a personal narrative exploring the author's Journey to Understanding and applying empathy, particularly in the context of mediation and conflict resolution, the author and architect, who became a mediator, initially used mechanical empathy performing empathetic actions without genuine feeling, but later Developed true empathy through meditation, self reflection and diverse life experiences, including extensive travel and interactions across various cultures.
So, and my first adventure into AI was to feed the whole book into notebook LM, Google's labs language model. And in a few seconds, it read the book and encapsulated what it is about. Here's here's what it said. This document presents a personal narrative exploring the author's Journey to Understanding and applying empathy, particularly in the context of mediation and conflict resolution, the author and architect, who became a mediator, initially used mechanical empathy performing empathetic actions without genuine feeling, but later Developed true empathy through meditation, self reflection and diverse life experiences, including extensive travel and interactions across various cultures.
The text also touches upon the evolution of empathy as a concept and a skill, referencing academic research on brain plasticity and the benefits of empathy in business and society. Ultimately, the author emphasizes the transformative power of genuine empathy, listening and kindness in navigating personal relationships, societal conflicts and global challenges like climate change, advocating for its conscious cultivation for a better world. Wow. I mean, I was blown away. This is like five seconds, you know.
The text also touches upon the evolution of empathy as a concept and a skill, referencing academic research on brain plasticity and the benefits of empathy in business and society. Ultimately, the author emphasizes the transformative power of genuine empathy, listening and kindness in navigating personal relationships, societal conflicts and global challenges like climate change, advocating for its conscious cultivation for a better world. Wow. I mean, I was blown away. This is like five seconds, you know.
And to my mind, it nailed it, you know, I have since learned that much AI is is fairly sycophantic, so realize that this report might be more perceived as my objective than my achievement. However, I was encouraged enough by this evaluation from a neutral reader, with all the accumulated knowledge of humanity that I included it on the back cover, the important thing to me was that it had recognized what I was trying to say in a jumble of world words loosely strung together as some kind of record of my Life and journey.
And to my mind, it nailed it, you know, I have since learned that much AI is is fairly sycophantic, so realize that this report might be more perceived as my objective than my achievement. However, I was encouraged enough by this evaluation from a neutral reader, with all the accumulated knowledge of humanity that I included it on the back cover, the important thing to me was that it had recognized what I was trying to say in a jumble of world words loosely strung together as some kind of record of my Life and journey.
The journey was discovering empathy as the primary tool of mediation and developing a successful tool that one year, led to 100% settlement rate. I wrote it up and presented it at various conferences and created a course to teach it to other mediators and lawyers. It did, however, involve some metabavana meditation, which seemed to limit its appeal to lawyers. For some reason, recently, I was on a podcast in Austria, and when it came out, I was a little shocked to find that it was titled gangster empathy. Y
The journey was discovering empathy as the primary tool of mediation and developing a successful tool that one year, led to 100% settlement rate. I wrote it up and presented it at various conferences and created a course to teach it to other mediators and lawyers. It did, however, involve some metabavana meditation, which seemed to limit its appeal to lawyers. For some reason, recently, I was on a podcast in Austria, and when it came out, I was a little shocked to find that it was titled gangster empathy. Y
ou can Google it and listen to it, but I get it. The subtitle of the book is stories for mediators, lawyers, con men, sociopaths and other humans. Mechanical empathy was the working title for the book, and my that came from my mentor, who noticed that I was really not feeling very much. I'd be, in fact, I'd be in mediations, and I'd be thinking, I'd be thinking, get a life buddy, stop whining. And I'd be saying that must have been very difficult for you to go through, you know, complete disconnect between my inner and outer worlds at the time. So she called it mechanical empathy and said, I should write a book that was 20 years ago. So it was the working title for the book, and as we know, it's the tool of every con.
ou can Google it and listen to it, but I get it. The subtitle of the book is stories for mediators, lawyers, con men, sociopaths and other humans. Mechanical empathy was the working title for the book, and my that came from my mentor, who noticed that I was really not feeling very much. I'd be, in fact, I'd be in mediations, and I'd be thinking, I'd be thinking, get a life buddy, stop whining. And I'd be saying that must have been very difficult for you to go through, you know, complete disconnect between my inner and outer worlds at the time. So she called it mechanical empathy and said, I should write a book that was 20 years ago. So it was the working title for the book, and as we know, it's the tool of every con.
Men know your mark. You know Hollywood is full of dark film where evil force masquerades as a saint. So mechanical empathy still might be a better. Title, but I changed it back to journey to empathy, which was the name of the course that I taught.
Men know your mark. You know Hollywood is full of dark film where evil force masquerades as a saint. So mechanical empathy still might be a better. Title, but I changed it back to journey to empathy, which was the name of the course that I taught.
Martin Golder 5:07
Martin Golder 5:07
So here we are with the gangster class taking over the reins of power, you know, Lower East Side in days of Europe. To get yourself in the mindset, I find it helpful to talk like an old New York gangster. You know, just an honest 10% you know, Louie. Louie, what you doing to me? We're going to have to rub you out if you don't get into line, you know. So anyway, I thought I just might throw it out here. How can the gangsters use the best tool in the universe to achieve their dastardly goals, rather than crude devices like guns, the godfather image, rather than the Enforcer.
So here we are with the gangster class taking over the reins of power, you know, Lower East Side in days of Europe. To get yourself in the mindset, I find it helpful to talk like an old New York gangster. You know, just an honest 10% you know, Louie. Louie, what you doing to me? We're going to have to rub you out if you don't get into line, you know. So anyway, I thought I just might throw it out here. How can the gangsters use the best tool in the universe to achieve their dastardly goals, rather than crude devices like guns, the godfather image, rather than the Enforcer.
So at compassion week, the one that Edwin and I were out, several CEOs talked of, talked of how they had agreed to compassion or empathy workshops for staff as morale builders, they were not expensive, and staff seem to appreciate them. Then a year later, the staff are happier, the customers are happier, and profits have risen. What's not to like, you know, bring on the empathy. Bring on the compassion. And as we know, sociopaths can sometimes be fairly successful on the CEO track, or, as Anita Nowak says, In purposeful empathy. CEO equals cheap, cheap empathy officers, so perhaps this is an example of taking empathy to the sociopathic crowd. As con men, they see the results, so it becomes their way of being.
So at compassion week, the one that Edwin and I were out, several CEOs talked of, talked of how they had agreed to compassion or empathy workshops for staff as morale builders, they were not expensive, and staff seem to appreciate them. Then a year later, the staff are happier, the customers are happier, and profits have risen. What's not to like, you know, bring on the empathy. Bring on the compassion. And as we know, sociopaths can sometimes be fairly successful on the CEO track, or, as Anita Nowak says, In purposeful empathy. CEO equals cheap, cheap empathy officers, so perhaps this is an example of taking empathy to the sociopathic crowd. As con men, they see the results, so it becomes their way of being.
From the Marx point of view, perhaps it is better to be robbed by an empathetic con men rather than just being shot and robbed, moving into the psychopathic world of real gangsters, like many powerful leaders around the world today, how can empathy be used as a weapon to wield against these forces? This is a perhaps a question to which I do not have any immediate answer. However, I do believe that the empathy movement and the empathy center will soon be at the forefront. It is not the only way, but it is the best from the American perspective, which is traditionally really the gangster perspective from the west of the world's viewpoint. This smacks of socialism. You know, the current economic systems based on fossil fuel have brought us to this point. And in America, money is primary.
From the Marx point of view, perhaps it is better to be robbed by an empathetic con men rather than just being shot and robbed, moving into the psychopathic world of real gangsters, like many powerful leaders around the world today, how can empathy be used as a weapon to wield against these forces? This is a perhaps a question to which I do not have any immediate answer. However, I do believe that the empathy movement and the empathy center will soon be at the forefront. It is not the only way, but it is the best from the American perspective, which is traditionally really the gangster perspective from the west of the world's viewpoint. This smacks of socialism. You know, the current economic systems based on fossil fuel have brought us to this point. And in America, money is primary.
The cries for capitalism to pass into history are well founded and increasingly loud. But this is America. This is sacrilege. Some cries perhaps just for an end to the laissez faire. You know, keep the baby throughout wild water, have a new Bretton Woods. So remember the shift? I mean the shift. We hear a lot about the shift. This is definitely part of that, and it's a big part. The only way forward for humanity is in a culture based on empathy, love and compassion. In days gone by, out loud, outliers would be exiled, executed or reformed. In these days, we say there are no outliers. We are all a continuum. So this means that those who are anathema to me are also part of this continuum of humanity and culture and society, but somehow or other, we need to keep going in a way that doesn't kill women and children and men indiscriminately.
The cries for capitalism to pass into history are well founded and increasingly loud. But this is America. This is sacrilege. Some cries perhaps just for an end to the laissez faire. You know, keep the baby throughout wild water, have a new Bretton Woods. So remember the shift? I mean the shift. We hear a lot about the shift. This is definitely part of that, and it's a big part. The only way forward for humanity is in a culture based on empathy, love and compassion. In days gone by, out loud, outliers would be exiled, executed or reformed. In these days, we say there are no outliers. We are all a continuum. So this means that those who are anathema to me are also part of this continuum of humanity and culture and society, but somehow or other, we need to keep going in a way that doesn't kill women and children and men indiscriminately.
This is where mediation comes in, not compromise, necessarily, but sometimes a case of not compromise. Compromise was described to me by my mentor Patricia lane, where a Silicon Valley style dispute ended in a joint venture. If it had gone to court, that would have been a whole different outcome. I have read this intro piece because I'm old and can be prone to ramble again. Thank you, Edwin for your unstoppable dedication to empathy. I say unhesitatingly that empathy circles are an amazing and effective technology and also a way of being. If I haven't used all my time, I encourage any questions. There's no need to feed back to me what I've said. I feel heard just by the honor of being here with you all today. Thank you very much.
This is where mediation comes in, not compromise, necessarily, but sometimes a case of not compromise. Compromise was described to me by my mentor Patricia lane, where a Silicon Valley style dispute ended in a joint venture. If it had gone to court, that would have been a whole different outcome. I have read this intro piece because I'm old and can be prone to ramble again. Thank you, Edwin for your unstoppable dedication to empathy. I say unhesitatingly that empathy circles are an amazing and effective technology and also a way of being. If I haven't used all my time, I encourage any questions. There's no need to feed back to me what I've said. I feel heard just by the honor of being here with you all today. Thank you very much.
Cara Wilson 9:10
Cara Wilson 9:10
Oh, thank you, Martin, that was incredible. I'm still going to repeat back and reflect some of the things I heard. Anyway, I for empathy from personal to a better world. Yes Please and thank you the gangsters using the tools for the universe to meet their ends. Love that I heard empathy over Uzis, okay, I'm for that, and America as the global gangster felt very real.
Oh, thank you, Martin, that was incredible. I'm still going to repeat back and reflect some of the things I heard. Anyway, I for empathy from personal to a better world. Yes Please and thank you the gangsters using the tools for the universe to meet their ends. Love that I heard empathy over Uzis, okay, I'm for that, and America as the global gangster felt very real.
And if we can find a way forward that isn't killing women and children, I am very much Pro that as a woman who is also a mother, that sounds great. Let's do that, please. And thank you wonderful. Thank you so much for coming and sharing this with us and for sharing your journey with the world. The more we can do that, the better the world I believe is going to be. Oh, this first hour. Has been incredible. I got a new phrase before everybody got in here. Dim.
And if we can find a way forward that isn't killing women and children, I am very much Pro that as a woman who is also a mother, that sounds great. Let's do that, please. And thank you wonderful. Thank you so much for coming and sharing this with us and for sharing your journey with the world. The more we can do that, the better the world I believe is going to be. Oh, this first hour. Has been incredible. I got a new phrase before everybody got in here. Dim.
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