Kevin Waldman

Empathy Circles Restore Genuine Connection in an Age of Performative Empathy
Speaker: Kevin Waldman (15 min)

Overview

Kevin Waldman, founder of Psych Form Research Lab, discussed the concept of "performative empathy," where the appearance of empathy overshadows genuine understanding. He highlighted the need for "empathy circles" to foster authentic human connection among emerging adults. Waldman argued that performative empathy, driven by social scripts and ideological performance, can lead to anxiety, loneliness, and depression. He proposed empathy circles as a solution, emphasizing that empathy develops through interpersonal experiences. These circles encourage active listening, respectful dialogue, and understanding diverse perspectives, essential for psychological growth and human connection.

Outline

Introduction to Kevin Waldman and Empathy Circles

• Speaker 1 introduces Kevin Waldman, highlighting his roles as a clinical researcher, mental health professional, and founder of Psych Form Research Law.

• Kevin Waldman is focused on developmental psychology, identity formation, and the psychological effects of performative behavior.

• The topic of the meeting is "Empathy Circles: Restoring Genuine Connection in an Age of Performance."

• Kevin Waldman begins by expressing gratitude for the opportunity to share his insights and experiences.

Kevin Waldman's Background and Empathy Journey

• Kevin Waldman explains the mission of Psych Form, which focuses on identity, authenticity, and interpersonal behavior among emerging adults on college campuses.

• He expresses gratitude for the diverse perspectives and experiences shared during the meeting.

• Kevin recounts how his journey into empathy circles began through a respectful disagreement with Edwin, who challenged him to reconsider the meaning of empathy.

• He discusses how empathy has become a poorly defined concept in contemporary culture, particularly among young people.

Performative Empathy and Its Impact

• Kevin Waldman introduces the concept of "performative empathy," where the appearance of empathy is more important than the practice.

• He explains that performative empathy involves signaling understanding, compassion, or moral concern without genuine engagement.

• Kevin emphasizes the need to correct the use of the term "performative empathy" and discusses its negative impact on genuine empathy development.

• He highlights the importance of empathy circles as spaces where empathy is practiced, not performed.

Examples of Performative Empathy and Its Consequences

• Kevin Waldman provides examples of performative empathy, such as social media posts and political statements, which are rooted in opposition and social scripts.

• He argues that performative empathy can stunt the development of genuine empathy in emerging adults by replacing lived experience with ideological performance.

• Kevin discusses the gap between how empathy is talked about and how it is lived, which is causing anxiety, loneliness, and depression among emerging adults.

• He suggests that empathy circles offer a solution by providing spaces for genuine human connection and understanding.

The Role of Empathy Circles in Developing Genuine Empathy

• Kevin Waldman explains that empathy circles are structured to encourage curiosity, listening, and respectful dialogue, which are essential for empathy development.

• He argues that scripted environments, such as those on college campuses, stifle empathy by discouraging dissent and encouraging conformity.

• Kevin suggests that empathy circles should be integrated into college curricula to provide opportunities for students to practice empathy and develop interpersonal skills.

• He emphasizes that empathy develops through human interaction and that colleges should prioritize creating environments where empathy can be practiced.

Conclusion and Call to Action

• Kevin Waldman concludes by reiterating the importance of creating spaces for empathy circles to foster genuine human connection and understanding.

• He highlights the benefits of empathy circles, such as fostering perspective-taking, compassion, and emotional connection.

• Kevin calls for the implementation of empathy circles in college curricula and student development programming to support the psychological development of emerging adults.

• Speaker 1 praises Kevin's work and emphasizes the importance of navigating tension with composure and authenticity in relationships.

Transcripts

Speaker 1  0:00  

Next up is Kevin Waldman. Kevin is a clinical researcher, mental health professional, and founder of Psych Form Research Law, focusing on developmental psychology, identity formation, and the psychology psychological effect of performative behavior. Ooh, friend, you're talking all my favorite things. Look, get neuro spicy. Today's topic is empathy circles. Restored, restore genuine connection in an age of performance. Kevin, take it away.

Kevin Waldman  0:36  

Hello everybody. Thank you so much for having me, just gonna get this going. Hi, good morning. My name is Kevin Waldman, and I'm the founder of Psych Forum, which stands for Foundations of Reason and Meaning, and this is a research lab where I conduct, like you just heard, on identity, authenticity, and interpersonal behavioral work among mostly emerging adults on college campuses. I just want to say real quick, how grateful I am to be exposed to all these different beautiful perspectives and experiences.

 We all have such different paths, and yet here we are trying to learn and grow from each other, which is a really wonderful thing to be a part of. Ironically, my journey into empathy circles actually began through respectful disagreement. About a year ago, I wrote an opinion piece for the Chicago Tribune, in which I used the phrase radical empathy. 

At the time, I was using the term largely as a rhetorical device, like a buzzword intended to make a broader point on a social and political discourse that I was experiencing on the campuses that I work with. After the article was published, Edwin reached out to me, and rather than responding to the political argument itself, he challenged me to think more carefully about the actual meaning of empathy. He encouraged me to consider empathy not as a slogan or as a political concept, as I was using it, but as just the practice of the skill that can be cultivated itself, which is of course makes perfect sense in a perfect world.

But that conversation ultimately led me here today. In my view, empathy has become one of the most frequently invoked and most poorly defined concepts in contemporary culture, particularly among young people. Now, I work primarily with emerging adults on campuses, so that population is going to be at the center of today's presentation. However, I do believe that this issue surrounds surrounding empathy extends far beyond higher education and can be observed across many areas of modern society. Since writing the article in the Tribune, and through my research at Site Forum, examining performative behavior and social conformity, I have become increasingly interested in a phenomenon that I now describe as quote performative empathy, which we, which is a buzzword, and which we must correct. 

We really must self-correct this phase. Performative empathy occurs when the appearance of empathy becomes more important than the practice of empathy itself. So, when individuals signal understanding, compassion, or moral correction, or excuse me, moral concern without actually engaging in the difficult work of genuine understanding of another person's experience. So today I want to explore that distinction and discuss why empathy circles offer an important alternative, a space where empathy is not performed, but actually practiced.

 Why is this? Is performative empathy. This is performative empathy. I This is performative empathy, and this is performative empathy. So, what do all of these internationally discussed examples of performative empathy have in common, they all are presented as acts of empathy, yet they are rooted in opposition, guided by social scripts rather than personal experience, and organized around social justice causes rather than direct human connection. Ultimately, the pattern may stunt development of empathy in emerging adults by replacing lived experience and genuine human understanding with ideological performance. 

This culture of performative empathy shows we have a true need to define empathy through interpersonal experience, not virtue signaling, without the. Shift, we do risk a generation experiencing more anxiety, loneliness, and depression, despite being more quote unquote aware than ever. So, the evidence is clear. Our current culture has created a gap between how empathy is talked about and how it is lived. That gap is hurting emerging adults, and it is highlighted. 

It highlights the urgent need for empathy rooted in real human connection. In fact, how can empathy develop without human connection? Psych forms research suggests that many emerging adults are learning performative beliefs, learning to perform beliefs rather than express them authentically. So, when students report concealing their views, misrepresenting their beliefs, and avoiding honest disagreement, they are also limiting the interpersonal experience through which empathy develops. Empathy is not primarily political stance like we see on campuses; it's a relational skill built through hearing another person's experience, understanding it, and responding to it. When social approval becomes more important than genuine curiosity, empathy shifts from interpersonal process into social performance.

Kevin Waldman  6:07  

In this scene, performative empathy may represent the unintended consequences of the scripted social justice narrative, replacing authentic human connection. So, the challenge facing emerging adults today may not be lack of concern for others, and maybe a lack of opportunities to hear, understand, and connect with people whose experiences differ from their own. So, we see these two very different outcomes.

 The culture we inhabit shapes the kind of empathy emerging adults are able to develop. The scripted or performative empathy is centered on ideology, rewards conformity, encourages signaling, discourages disagreement, and produces an social caution and self-censorship, which often results in anxiety, isolation, and distrust. Now we see what hearing and understanding through empathy, or empathy circles, results in which is centered on people rather than ideology. 

It rewards curiosity over conformity, encourages listening before judgment, welcomes different perspectives, and builds trust and authentic connection. This creates conditions that are necessary for empathy to develop, because empathy develops through understanding, not through scripts, so the problem is that the scripted environments, which I work with, stifle empathy by dissent, is viewed as harmful or disloyal. Students feel pressured to conform to approved beliefs and language, speaking up risk to judgment, exclusion, or social backlash. Students learn to stay silent instead of speak, seeking understanding, and empathy becomes a performance, not a human connection. 

So, when descent is punished and scripts are required, empathy cannot grow. The solution is to create environments where empathy can develop a structured, neutral space where every person is heard. People share experiences, not positions. Listening is the goal, not agreement. Respectful dialog replaces fear and performance, and understanding grows through real human connection. Empathy develops when students listen, speak honestly, and seek to understand one another, the path forward, in my opinion, is to implement empathy circles into college curriculum. Emerging adulthood is a critical period for identity formation, perspective taking, emotional development, and social growth. If empathy develops through hearing, understanding, and engaging with experiences different from our own, colleges must create opportunities for students to practice those skills. Empathy circles provide a developmental intervention. 

They encourage students to listen, speak honestly, tolerate discomfort, and engage with perspectives they may not encounter within their existing social networks. From a developmental perspective. Empathy is not acquired through information alone, it develops through human interaction. As colleges continue to prioritize student well-being, identity development, and psychological growth, empathy circles should become a core part of psychology curricula and student development programming. If we're serious about supporting the psychological development of emerging adults, we must create environments where empathy can be practiced, not simply discussed.

 So, I see this as restoring human connection. We create a space where empathy circles create intentional judgments, free spaces for honest dialog, participants learn or listen actively and with curiosity to understand, not to respond. Hearing diverse stories fosters perspective taking, compassion, and emotional connection. Genuine understanding reduces and builds trust across differences. And individuals feel seen, valued, and connected to themselves and to others. So, in a world of distraction and disconnection, empathy circles provide a simple, powerful path back to what we need most: authentic human understanding and presence. Thank you.

Speaker 2  10:20  

Everybody, take another big breath.

Speaker 1  10:26  

Kevin, that was fantastic. What I heard there, a, you had me at the acronym Foundation of Reason and Meaty. Brilliant. I heard performative empathy versus practicing. I heard rooted in opposition versus engaging in human experience. I hear not just talking the talk, but walk in the walk. Empathy develops in relationships with another when in conflict, authentically sharing those lived experiences, even if those experiences different. What I hear in that is empathy circles support being able to navigate tension with composure. Thank you. Thank you for the work that you are doing, the schools you are doing it, and the lives that you are impacting.

Kevin Waldman  11:19  

Thank you so much. And I really, really love that I've become a part of this group, so.

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