Selene Aitken

How to Integrate the Skills of the Empathy Circle in Business and Government Meetings
Speaker: Selene Aitken  (10 min)

Otter.ai Overview

Selene Aitken, an Empathy Circle facilitator, shared her experiences integrating empathy circles into business and government meetings. She detailed her efforts in introducing the practice to a school board, which initially met with resistance but eventually led to a better understanding of the method. Aitken emphasized the importance of empathy, self-empathy, and attention in fostering mutual respect and equality. She highlighted the impact of practicing empathy listening, which encourages participants to express one idea at a time, reducing frustration and promoting trust and vulnerability. The practice was found to be particularly effective in changing group dynamics and improving meeting effectiveness.

Outline

Introduction of Selene Aitken and Her Background

• Speaker 1 introduces Selene Aitken, highlighting her goal of bringing peace through meditation and fostering empathetic communication.

• Selene Aitken shares her background in education, mediation, nonviolent communication, peace activism, and empathy circles.

• She recounts her experience of participating in empathy circles during the pandemic, emphasizing the importance of these practices.

• Selene mentions her personal challenge of learning to listen without reacting and the progress she made over two years.

Introduction of Empathy Circles to a School Board

• Selene describes introducing empathy circles to a school board through a half-day workshop.

• She explains the initial lack of interest from the school board and her approach to demonstrating the empathy circles through role-playing.

• The demonstration included a fishbowl method, where participants observed and then participated in the empathy circle process.

• Selene highlights the values promoted by empathy circles, such as empathy, self-empathy, attention, mutuality, equality, and respect.

Values and Benefits of Empathy Circles

• Selene elaborates on the values of empathy circles, including empathy, self-empathy, attention, mutuality, equality, and respect.

• She emphasizes the importance of attention free of expectations, judgments, and agendas.

• Selene discusses the radical nature of expressing one idea at a time in meetings, especially in government or civil service contexts.

• She shares an example of how this practice changed the dynamics of a meeting, making it more effective and less frustrating.

Practical Application and Impact of Empathy Circles

• Selene talks about the practical application of empathy circles in real-life situations, using a school board as an example.

• She notes the initial reluctance and protectiveness of participants, which gradually softened into trust and vulnerability.

• Selene mentions a specific individual who became more introspective and less domineering after participating in the empathy circle.

• She highlights the importance of practicing empathy listening and how it can change group dynamics and individual behavior.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

• Selene concludes by emphasizing the benefits of empathy circles in improving meeting dynamics and fostering better communication.

• She mentions that some participants decided to meet informally to continue practicing empathy circles.

• Selene discusses the importance of being ready to deal with different opinions and reactions in groups like school boards or city councils.

• Speaker 1 validates Selene's points, emphasizing the importance of present-moment practice and full attention in fostering understanding and empathy.

Transcript

Speaker 1  0:00  

It is my honor and light to now introduce the wonderful Miss Celine. Celine's goal in life has been to bring a little peace to the world through meditation and the practice of fostering collaborative, empathetic communication. Celine is an Empathy Circle facilitator and trainer, and today we'll be talking on how to integrate the skills of the empathy circle in business and government meetings. Take it away.

Selene Aitken  0:27  

Hello, everyone. So I live in Southern Oregon, in the United States, and my background is in education, mediation, nonviolent communication, peace activism, and empathy circles. I dove into the empathy circles practice during the pandemic. They actually saved me, and every Saturday we got together, five hours, rain or shine, no matter, there we were together. There were people from all over the world, and it was a very exciting time. I learned so much, and I announced at one point I can listen to anyone without reacting, and it took me almost two years to learn that that wasn't really true, but it was close. So, I've learned a lot. So, recently I introduced the Empathy Circles to a school board, and it was a half day workshop. They were not interested. They didn't know about empathy circles. They had not signed up for this. However, I did. I did role play myself and one volunteer to show how it works a little bit, and then I had two people also role play, and in that way they learned pretty quickly what the empathy circles are about, and let me see, so yeah, after the the demonstration, sometimes there's time to do a fish bowl, and I've done those, and they're, I think they're very effective, you can go 1520 minutes and demonstrate how the process works, and get people involved and do their own circle. The thing about the empathy circles in this kind of context is that inherently they promote important values that help any organization or group of people, and not in a preachy way, so empathy, which is I don't know, sensing and feeling into the experience of others, and self-empathy, sensing experience into our own experience, but it, what it does is it's attention, and we all want attention, and it's attention free of expectations, free of judgments, and free of agenda, and the values, of course. Mutuality - we aspire to a reciprocal empathy between all people, and equality - everyone gets a turn, same amount of time, same amount of attention, seeing everyone's humanity, having a sense of warmth for humanity, respect, and space for everyone, no arguing, no contradicting, no judgments. So empathy listening requires full attention, and we all appreciate full attention and freedom within a structure, and that gives you freedom, but also safety, and one of the things that I did right away when the people demonstrated, you know, what they didn't know what they were doing, but they were doing it, is that the speaker can influence how they are heard, how they are listened to by expressing one idea at a time, and this is kind of, unfortunately, it's radical in some meetings, especially I don't know, maybe in government or a civil, in the civil service kind of world, because in this group, like in many others, this is very enthusiastic, very knowledgeable, very, you know, eager to participate person who'll show up and say, okay, so I have a proposal, and it has four parts. Number one, blah blah blah blah, number two, blah blah blah blah, and people are rolling their eyes, going, oh gosh, here we go, you know, because this person does this at every meeting and takes up all this space, and they're frustrated. So that was a key piece in this particular morning. Um, was say one idea at a time, and it changed everything I think might have changed this person's life. So this is a little bit of what I can share with you about introducing empathy circles into a not especially friendly situation, but people eager to improve their meetings and their work together. So, thank you.

Edwin Rutsch  5:32  

You still have five minutes if you want to take it.

Selene Aitken  5:35  

Five minutes. Well, let me see what else I can tell you. Folks wanted to practice with real, real stuff that was going on for them, and they were also kind of reluctant and withholding at first, and I saw that by practicing with each other this kind of listening to each other without you know evaluation without reaction softened their protectiveness and came into something more like trust and vulnerability, so it was interesting to watch the gradual, like I say, softening in the group, and this particular individual that that has been so, so difficult for the group, and became introspective, and I would see him, you know, sitting there thinking and thinking, and slow down, and I think this was a benefit to everybody, including to himself. I think the empathy circles practice cuts through the people's kind of automatic way of getting, getting attention, you know, it's like this is what I know how to do. I tell them all my great ideas, I have great ideas, and I go one after another, and a lot of enthusiasm, and and it has the opposite effect. People kind of turn off, and it's like, oh yeah, here we go. So I think that person witnessed another option that I hope he's continuing to practice. I don't know the organizer of the event has been in touch with me, has told me that a couple of the people in the meeting decided to meet together, not in a formal meeting. I mean, you, that's the other thing that is in these kinds of groups, like a school board or a city council or something, you're not just talking to your colleagues, you're also being witnessed by you don't know who, who has an opinion who's going to express it, and you have to be ready to deal with that, and I think that the empathy circles practice helps you because you're used to not responding right away. That responding right away is definitely a way to get into trouble, but if we have to breathe and just listen and be here, no matter what outrageous thing the person is saying, so that you, one can reflect, it's a very different pace and a very different attitude, and I think that it's very clear when a group of this nature meets and experiences, it, the difference is so obvious that they, you know, they're inspired to learn more and practice it more. So I'll finish there. Thank you.

Speaker 1  9:37  

That was amazing. Thank you so much, I would validate all of that. What I heard was time, attention, humanity, and full attention to me that speaks to a present moment practice that allows you to not only speak to be understood but listen to understand, and goodness, what a world we would. Live in, if everyone would do that.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai